how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
