I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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