i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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