you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
