I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dick very happy bro
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
