just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
