Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
