so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
