you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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