Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
