Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
did i walk over a car last night?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
