i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize