I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
