Me too!
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
