We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
