Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
