I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
