I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
