I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
