He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
