I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Even my vagina gasped.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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