Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
