You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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