I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
