I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
