Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
