...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
