i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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