'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
