Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We had sex on a dog bed..
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
