yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
