I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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