At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Found the puke drawer
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
