If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
