So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
