I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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