he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
