How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
