She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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