You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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