how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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