There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
