What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
