i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
