You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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