That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
