we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
