Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
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