neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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