Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
