the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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