I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
