Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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