He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
