Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
