You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
