just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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