My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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