it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
