I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
