Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize