My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
