Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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