Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
