Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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