I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize