Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
