he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
false alarm, still single
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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