I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize