Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
