Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
