Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
