I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
