dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
