The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
