East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
