It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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