i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
