Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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