I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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