Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
