She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
