I looked at my own cervix.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
