Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
