Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
