4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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