I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
